• Have you ever had one of those nights when you thought you’d be able to sleep, but instead you found yourself wide awake, wrestling with your thoughts? I had one of those nights not too long ago. It was late—everyone else in the house was asleep—but my mind wouldn’t stop. I was thinking about a difficult conversation I had earlier that day, a decision I had to make, and some deep fears that had been gnawing at me for months. I sat there in the quiet, no phone in my hand, no TV on, no music playing—just me, the Lord, and my thoughts. And somewhere in that darkness, I realized I wasn’t just thinking… I was wrestling.

    Now, I don’t mean physically wrestling like you might see on TV, but wrestling in my heart. Wrestling with God over trust. Wrestling with God over surrender. Wrestling with God over whether I was willing to let Him lead me into something I couldn’t control. And if I’m being honest, it wasn’t a quick match.

    The truth is, every one of us has a moment like that—or maybe several. We come to a crossroads where God’s will and our will collide. It might be a health crisis, a broken relationship, a financial collapse, or just that quiet but relentless conviction from the Spirit that something in us has to change. We find ourselves up in the middle of the night, not because of the coffee we had too late, but because God is doing heart surgery on us in real time.

    And that’s why I think you’ll want to lean in —because what we’re going to talk about isn’t just Jacob’s story from thousands of years ago. It’s your story. It’s my story. It’s the story of anyone who has ever had to come face to face with the living God and walk away changed.

    Here’s what I’ve learned in my own walk: when you wrestle with God, you don’t walk away the same. You may walk away with a limp, but you’ll also walk away with a blessing. That limp will remind you that you’ve met with Him, that you’ve been marked by Him, and that your identity isn’t what it used to be. And the blessing—that will remind you that His grace meets you in your weakness and His purpose is greater than your plans.

    Today, we’re going to step into Jacob’s long night by the Jabbok River. We’re going to see a man who had spent his life grabbing for control, finally meet the One he could not overpower. And as we walk through his story, I want you to be thinking about this: What might God want to change in me through the wrestle?

    Because here’s the good news—God doesn’t wrestle with us to destroy us; He wrestles with us to transform us. And if we’re willing, that wrestle could be the turning point of our lives

    Transition

    When we read Jacob’s story in Genesis 32, it can be easy to think, “Well, that was then. God doesn’t show up in the middle of the night to wrestle me.” But here’s the truth—we may not wrestle with God in the same physical way Jacob did, but every single one of us will have a Jabbok River moment. That moment when you’re alone, the noise of the world fades, and you realize you can’t avoid the confrontation anymore—between who you’ve been and who God is calling you to be.

    The benefit of this message is simple but profound: if you understand what God was doing in Jacob’s life, you’ll begin to recognize what God is doing in yours. And when you see His hand in the wrestle, you won’t run from it—you’ll lean into it.

    Wouldn’t it be great if instead of fearing those moments of struggle, we embraced them as opportunities for transformation? Imagine knowing that your struggle wasn’t wasted, that the wrestling match you’re in right now could be the very place God changes your name, your walk, and your destiny.

    This is why Jacob’s story matters to you and me. It’s not just about a man in the ancient Near East; it’s about the God who still meets people in the night, still presses into our resistance, and still blesses those who cling to Him. So today, as we step into the text, I want you to ask yourself: Am I willing to stay in the wrestle until God finishes His work in me? Because if you are, you’ll find that the God who wrestles is also the God who blesses—and you’ll never walk the same again.  I firmly believe that God will meet you in the wrestle, not to destroy you, but to transform you—if you will cling to Him until the blessing comes.

    Situation

    Let’s back up and set the scene. Jacob’s life had been a series of struggles—first with his twin brother Esau in the womb (Gen. 25:22), then for the birthright and blessing (Gen. 25:29–34; 27:1–29). His very name, Yaʿaqov, means “heel-grabber” or “supplanter,” a title that captured both his cunning and his constant striving.

    For twenty years he’d been away from home, living under the shadow of his deceit and the unresolved tension with Esau. He had built wealth, married, raised children—but the unfinished business from his past was still there.

    Genesis 32 tells us Jacob was now returning home, but he received word that Esau was coming to meet him—with 400 men (Gen. 32:6). That wasn’t exactly the welcome party Jacob had in mind. Fear set in. He split his family into groups, sent gifts ahead to appease Esau, and prayed desperately for God’s help (Gen. 32:9–12).It’s in that place—on the banks of the Jabbok River—that we find Jacob. He sends everyone ahead and is left alone (Gen. 32:24). And it’s here that God steps in, not in a dream or vision this time, but in the form of a mysterious “man.” But Jacob’s solitude that night wasn’t just physical—it was deeply spiritual. When the noise of his family and possessions faded, he was left face to face with the fears he had been carrying for twenty years. And at the center of it all was Esau.

    Problem

    On the surface Jacob’s problem was obvious, he feared Esau’s wrath. Esau had once vowed to kill him (Gen. 27:41), and Jacob knew that past wounds don’t just disappear.

    But the deeper problem was identity. Jacob’s life had been defined by striving, scheming, and self-reliance. His go-to strategy for every problem was manipulation. And while God had blessed him materially, Jacob’s spiritual formation was still unfinished.

    In other words, Jacob didn’t just have a problem with Esau—he had a problem with Jacob.

    This is where God’s perspective becomes clear: before Jacob could face Esau, he had to face God. And before Jacob could receive a new future, he had to deal with his old identity.

    I think that’s true for many of us. We often think our biggest problem is “out there”—a difficult relationship, a stressful job, an uncertain future. But God knows the real battle is “in here.” We need a change not just in circumstances but in character.

    Process

    That’s exactly what happens with Jacob. God sets up a night appointment on the banks of the Jabbok. Genesis 32:24 tells us, “And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled (āḇaq) with him until the breaking of the day.”

    That Hebrew verb āḇaq is fascinating. It only appears here and in verse 25. Scholars suggest it comes from a root meaning “to get dusty,” picturing two people grappling so fiercely that the dust swirls around them. This was not a polite handshake; it was an exhausting, physical, all-night struggle.

    But here’s the twist—Jacob doesn’t know exactly who he’s fighting. Later, he’ll realize it’s God (Gen. 32:30). But at first? This could be an assassin sent by Esau, a supernatural being, or some unknown threat. Yet Jacob fights.

    Why would God show up this way? Because wrestling strips away pretense. You can’t fake your way through a fight like that. The match became a metaphor for Jacob’s entire life—always grasping, always resisting, always striving to secure blessing on his own terms.

    We’re told that “when the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket (kaf yārek), and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him” (v. 25). The kaf yārek was the ball-and-socket joint of the thigh, critical for leverage and strength. With one touch, God disables Jacob’s natural power.

    Here’s the turning point: Jacob doesn’t quit. He clings. Verse 26 says, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” This is huge. Jacob shifts from resisting God to holding on to God.

    The man asks, “What is your name?” (v. 27). That’s not because God forgot—it’s because naming yourself is an act of confession. Jacob has to say, “I am Yaʿaqov—the supplanter, the deceiver.” And that’s when God gives him a new name: Yiśrā’ēl—“he strives with God” or “God prevails.”

    That name change is critical. In the ancient Near East, a new name meant a new identity and destiny. God was saying, “You will no longer be defined by grasping. You will be defined by the fact that you have striven with God and prevailed—not by overpowering Me, but by refusing to let go.”

    And then Jacob names the place Peniel—“face of God”—because, as he says in verse 30, “I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.”

    This is the heart of the process: God meets Jacob in the wrestle, wounds him to break his self-reliance, blesses him with a new identity, and reveals His face to him.

    Climax

    God could have ended this match instantly, but He chooses a gentle, targeted wound. Why? Because God wasn’t trying to destroy Jacob—He was trying to change him.

    It’s interesting that from this moment on, Jacob will walk with a limp. In the culture of the time, that limp would be a visible sign of weakness. But in God’s kingdom, it was a badge of transformation.

    We see this echoed in Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9—“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

    And here’s the paradox: Jacob’s limp becomes his strength. The one who had always stood on his own two feet, maneuvering and manipulating, will now lean—both physically and spiritually—on the God who prevailed over him in love.

    When Jacob says, “I will not let you go unless you bless me,” he’s admitting dependence. And that’s when the blessing comes—not before the struggle, not without the wound, but through the wrestle.

    God will meet you in the wrestle, not to destroy you, but to transform you—if you will cling to Him until the blessing comes.

    Resolution

    Jacob crosses the river the next morning limping, but no longer the same man. The text says, “The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip” (Gen. 32:31).

    That sunrise is more than a time marker—it’s a picture of a new chapter. Jacob has faced God, received a new name, and carries a permanent reminder of his dependence.

    From now on, every step Jacob takes will remind him of that night. And every time someone asks, “Why do you limp?” he has a testimony.

    This is how God works. He gives us reminders—not to shame us, but to point us back to His grace. The limp is not a curse; it’s a gift.

    Summarizing

    This story is not about how tough Jacob was. It’s about how gracious God is.

    God initiates the encounter. God sustains it through the night. God wounds in order to heal. God blesses in order to transform. And God walks Jacob into a new identity.

    At every point, God is the hero. Jacob didn’t finally “find himself”—God found Jacob. And that’s our hope too.

    So here’s the takeaway for us: God will meet you in the wrestle, not to destroy you, but to transform you—if you will cling to Him until the blessing comes.

    No matter what your Jabbok moment looks like—fear, uncertainty, a crisis you didn’t see coming—God’s aim is not to crush you, but to make you into the person He’s always called you to be.

    So if Jacob’s night by the river is a picture of God’s transforming grace, then what does that mean for us

    Challenge

    If we walk away from Jacob’s story at the Jabbok River with our eyes open, we’ll realize that this is not just his story—it’s ours. The wrestle looks different for each of us, but the invitation is the same: God will meet you in the wrestle, not to destroy you, but to transform you—if you will cling to Him until the blessing comes.
    If we truly get the message, our thinking shifts from “My problem is out there” to “My problem is in here—and God wants to meet me in it.” We stop assuming that God is only in the quick victories and start recognizing that He is deeply present in the long, exhausting wrestles.

    We begin to see weakness differently—not as a liability to hide, but as a place where God’s power can be displayed (2 Cor. 12:9). We start thinking less about how to get out of hard seasons and more about what God might be doing in them.

    When this truth sinks in, the first feeling is relief. Relief that God isn’t just tolerating us in our struggle—He’s actually engaging us in it. We’ll feel hope that the wrestle has a purpose, that the limp can be a blessing, and that God is more interested in transforming our character than simply fixing our circumstances.

    We may also feel conviction. Conviction that we’ve been running from God when we should have been clinging to Him. Conviction that our identity has been tied to old names—failure, fraud, forgotten—when God is offering a new one.

    And then comes gratitude. Gratitude that the God of the universe would come close enough to wrestle with us, wound us in love, and bless us with a new future.

    Here’s where it gets personal. What we do with this story depends on where we are in our walk with the Lord.

    If you haven’t yet surrendered to Jesus, your next step is simple but profound: stop running from God. You might not even have words for what you’re wrestling with right now—but the fact that you feel the struggle is evidence that God is pursuing you. I want you to pray, even if you’re not sure how: “God, if this is You, I’m not letting go until I know You and receive your son Jesus as my Lord and Savior.”

    If you’re new to following Jesus, this passage invites you to deepen your trust. You may already have experienced the joy of salvation, but God also wants to shape your identity. That means facing old habits, wounds, or self-reliance that still cling to you.

    Your step is to identify your “old name.” Where do you still live out of the heel-grabber, the self-protector, the manipulator, the fearful one? Bring that honestly to God in prayer. Ask Him to rename you according to His promise.

    Also, don’t despise your limp. That reminder of weakness is not a mark of shame—it’s a testimony that God has met you and changed you.

    If you’ve walked with Jesus for years, the temptation is to assume the deep wrestling is behind you. But Jacob’s Jabbok encounter happened after decades of walking with God. Mature believers are invited to re-enter the wrestle—not because God wants to undo you, but because He wants to keep refining you.

    Your step is to ask: Where am I still resisting God’s grip? It may be a ministry calling you’ve avoided, a relationship you’ve stopped pursuing, or a risk you’ve refused to take because it feels unsafe.

    And remember: your limp is not just for you—it’s for the next generation. Your story of God’s transforming touch is meant to encourage those who are still in the dust and sweat of the fight

    Vision

    Can you imagine what it would look like if every one of us embraced our wrestle with God instead of running from it? If instead of hiding our limp, we let it become a testimony of God’s grace?

    Picture a church where no one feels the need to pretend they have it all together. Where instead of masks and performance, there’s honesty, humility, and dependence on God. A church where people could say, “Yes, I’ve wrestled with God. Yes, I’ve walked away with a limp. But look at the blessing He gave me in the process.”

    Think about what that would mean for our families. Parents who stop modeling perfection and start modeling dependence—teaching their kids that it’s okay to struggle, but it’s never okay to let go of God. Think about our marriages, where instead of avoiding the hard conversations, we invite God to meet us in the middle of them. Think about our community, where neighbors and coworkers don’t just see “religious people” but people marked by grace—walking humbly, admitting weakness, but radiating the strength of Christ.

    Wouldn’t it be powerful if the reputation of the Lord’s Church wasn’t “those are the people who never struggle” but instead, “those are the people who know how to cling to God through the struggle”? That’s compelling. That’s authentic. And that’s what the world is longing for.

    If we all embraced our wrestle with God, our witness would be undeniable. People around us would see not perfect Christians, but transformed Christians—people who walk with a limp, yes, but who also walk with the joy of being blessed and renamed by God. And that kind of authenticity has the power to change a church, a city, and even a generation.

    But all of this—the limp, the blessing, the new identity—points us to something greater. Jacob’s wrestle foreshadows the ultimate wrestle at the cross.

    Landing

    Family, Jacob’s wrestling at the Jabbok was not the end of the story—it was a pointer to the greater wrestling that took place at the cross. On that night, Jacob was wounded so that he could be blessed. But on that day at Calvary, Jesus was wounded so that we could be healed. Jacob limped away with a new name; Jesus carried His wounds into death so that you and I could walk away with a new identity—children of God.

    And here’s the truth: every single one of us has our own “Jabbok.” That place where God corners us, confronts us, and asks, “Will you keep striving, or will you finally surrender to Me?” Some of you are right there tonight. You’ve been fighting to define yourself, clinging to control, running from the fear of who you’ve been and what you’ve done. But God is saying, “Stop running. I want to bless you.”

    This is the gospel—Jesus took the fight you could never win. He bore your sin, your shame, your striving, and He broke its power forever. And the same God who gave Jacob a new name is ready to give you a new name in Christ. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.”

    So here’s my invitation: Will you surrender today? Will you stop wrestling against God and instead wrestle with Him, allowing Him to meet you in the struggle and rename your story?

    If you’re seeking to follow Jesus, this is your moment to say, “Jesus, I give You my life. I can’t win this fight on my own, I repent of my sins and ask you to make me right with God, as my Lord and Savior”, If you’re a believer who’s been running, this is your call back home—God is not ashamed of your limp, He wants to restore you to use it. And if you’re a maturing follower, maybe now is the time to start leading with your limp, to show others that His grace really is enough.

    Don’t leave this place still wrestling alone. Now is the moment. The God who renamed Jacob is here to rename you. Will you let Him?

  • By Felix De Jesus, Old Testament Theology and History

    When Ministry Feels Like a Wrestling Match

    There’s a sacred mystery in the struggle that many pastors and ministry leaders are reluctant to admit: sometimes, following God doesn’t feel like quiet trust—it feels like a midnight wrestling match. In Genesis 32:22–32, Jacob’s encounter with the divine unfolds not through visions or dreams, but through grit, grappling, and the tearing of flesh. This pivotal moment in redemptive history is not merely about one man’s transformation; it exposes the often-painful pathway of spiritual formation that leaders must travel. Theologically, Jacob’s story invites us to see struggle not as disobedience, but as the context where grace breaks in. The man Jacob wrestled was no ordinary adversary—he was a manifestation of God Himself (Gen. 32:30). As Bruce Waltke observes, “Jacob prevailed not because of physical strength, but because he clung to God with the desperation of faith.”¹ This tenacity is not weakness; it is covenantal faith in motion.

    In many ministry contexts, we’re conditioned to equate leadership with strategic clarity, rapid results, and polished performance. But Genesis disrupts those assumptions. Jacob’s limp becomes the ironic emblem of leadership—an enduring reminder that true influence flows not from personal power but divine encounter. Derek Kidner notes that the wound Jacob receives “is the trophy of grace, not the badge of defeat.”² For those called to shepherd God’s people, this scene should provoke reflection: Is it possible that our most transformative ministry moments come not through our control but through our surrender?

    Genesis 32 is not simply a biographical episode in Jacob’s life; it is a theological prism through which we interpret pastoral identity. Walter Brueggemann writes, “Jacob’s story offers a paradigm for all who encounter God in the midst of ambiguity, vulnerability, and unresolvable tension.”³ In a vocational world driven by outcomes and optics, Jacob reminds us that proximity to God is often marked by wrestling, not ease. God wounds to bless, weakens to empower, and disrupts to rename. It is here—limping from the encounter—that we, like Jacob, receive not only a new name, but a new understanding of what it means to lead.

    Theological Themes of the Encounter

    Jacob’s wrestling match in Genesis 32:22–32 is more than a historical narrative—it’s a theologically layered moment that pulses with divine purpose. The scene unfolds at night, in isolation, and through physical struggle, echoing the internal and external tensions that often characterize our own spiritual lives. In this singular event, we find rich theological themes: divine encounter, identity transformation, covenant reaffirmation, human limitation, and redemptive wounding.

    First, this is a theophany—an appearance of God. Jacob’s opponent is ambiguously described at first simply as “a man” (v. 24), but by the end, Jacob declares, “I have seen God face to face” (v. 30). This progression from mystery to revelation speaks to the often-veiled ways God engages us. As Tremper Longman writes, “God meets Jacob in a form both familiar and terrifying… disguising His glory to draw out Jacob’s persistence.”¹ For leaders and preachers, this tension reminds us that divine encounters aren’t always accompanied by clarity—they are sometimes veiled in struggle.

    Second, the theme of transformation through encounter is central. Jacob enters the night with fear and control—he’s still scheming, sending gifts ahead to Esau, dividing his camp, and hedging his bets (Gen. 32:7–21). But by dawn, the schemer becomes the struggler. He emerges renamed—Israel, “he struggles with God.” This is not just a new name, but a new identity forged in intimacy. Victor Hamilton notes, “Jacob’s name change signals that he is no longer defined by deceit, but by his engagement with God.”² This speaks to the pastoral journey: true leadership requires wrestling with God until the false self is undone.

    Third, the covenantal blessing is reiterated. Jacob’s desperate plea—“I will not let you go unless you bless me” (v. 26)—echoes the language of covenant pursuit. The blessing isn’t transactional. It’s transformational. It’s not a prize for winning but a gift that comes only through surrender. Christopher Wright observes, “The biblical notion of blessing is not merely about provision; it is the assurance of God’s presence and purpose in one’s life.”³ In ministry, we often chase metrics and milestones. But here, we are reminded: the real blessing is God Himself.

    Lastly, the limp—Jacob’s wound—is symbolic of divine refinement. God disables him physically in order to empower him spiritually. Pastoral ministry has its own limp: it comes from wounds that don’t disqualify us, but deepen us. As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Jacob’s story foreshadows that principle. The dislocated hip is not a curse; it’s a sign that he has seen God—and lived.

    This encounter confronts us with a God who does not coddle but contends, not to crush us, but to call us. In the wrestling, we are named. In the struggle, we are seen. In the limp, we are marked as those who have been with God.

    Jacob as a Paradigm of Ministry Leadership

    If ever there were a biblical figure who embodied the paradox of leadership, it’s Jacob. He’s not the obvious choice. He doesn’t start strong. He’s not polished. In fact, most of his early life is marked by manipulation, fear, and control. And yet, this is the man God wrestles with, renames, blesses, and calls “Israel.” For pastors and ministry leaders, Jacob serves not merely as an ancient patriarch but as a paradigm for the formation of spiritual leadership in the crucible of divine encounter.

    Ministry leadership in our current culture often rewards charisma over character, success over surrender, and visibility over vulnerability. But Jacob’s story disrupts that narrative. His transformation did not come through platform or pedigree—it came through wrestling. This tells us something vital: leaders are not forged by achievement, but by encounter. As Richard Osmer notes in his framework for practical theology, authentic leadership emerges in the tension between divine grace and human limitation—it’s not about mastery but about formation.¹

    Before Peniel, Jacob relied on strategy. He calculated risks, sent gifts, and managed his reputation. But after Peniel, he limps—not just physically, but spiritually. He walks differently. He leads differently. He becomes a reconciler, not just a survivor. In the words of Miroslav Volf, “The self shaped by the cross embraces vulnerability not as defeat, but as participation in God’s redemptive mission.”² This is the kind of leadership that can shepherd people through wilderness seasons—not from a place of power, but from deep dependence.

    Jacob’s refusal to let go—“I will not let you go unless you bless me” (Gen. 32:26)—is more than persistence; it’s pastoral. Ministry is, at its core, holding on. It’s holding on to God’s promises even when you don’t feel them, holding on to people even when they walk away, and holding on to hope when the numbers don’t add up. This kind of grip is forged in nights of solitude, not conferences. It’s the secret life behind the sermon.

    Moreover, the renaming moment is a leadership moment. “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel” (Gen. 32:28). God gives him a new identity that speaks not only to who he is, but to what he’s called to do. In ministry, our identity must be rooted in being with God, not just working for God. We are not what we produce. We are who we are becoming in His presence. That’s the essence of spiritual leadership.

    Walter Brueggemann writes that this narrative teaches us to “trust the dark,” because God meets us in the ambiguity, not always in clarity.³ Pastors need that reminder. When the clarity isn’t there, when the path isn’t linear, when people don’t respond the way you hoped—God is still in the story. And like Jacob, we may emerge changed, wounded, but blessed.

    Conclusion: Leading with a Limp

    Jacob’s story ends not with dominance, but with dependence. After his wrestling match with God, he walks with a limp—and yet, he walks forward. For pastors and ministry leaders today, that image is both humbling and liberating. The limp doesn’t disqualify us—it marks us. It’s the sign that we’ve encountered God, not just conceptually, but experientially. It reminds us that spiritual leadership flows not from perfection, but from presence. Not our own, but His.

    This is the heartbeat of ministry: not in how put-together we look, but in how surrendered we are. Eugene Peterson calls it “a long obedience in the same direction,” a journey marked by faithfulness, not flash.¹ We lead best not by hiding our scars, but by showing that grace can hold them. The Church doesn’t need more polished performers; it needs wounded shepherds who know the cost of wrestling and the joy of being held.

    As the apostle Paul says, “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:10). This isn’t theological poetry—it’s pastoral reality. Power isn’t found in bravado, but in brokenness surrendered to God. Jacob walked away with a blessing, but it came through clinging, not climbing. That’s a word for every leader who feels like they’re striving in the dark, unsure if they’re still called, still useful, still seen.

    So let us lead as those who have wrestled, who have been renamed, and who walk not in our own strength—but in the presence of the One who meets us in the dark, blesses us in our weakness, and calls us forward.

    Let us lead with a limp.

    Bibliography

    Brueggemann, Walter. Genesis: Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching. Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1982.

    Brueggemann, Walter. The Message of the Psalms. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1984.

    Hamilton, Victor P. The Book of Genesis, Chapters 18–50. New International Commentary on the Old Testament. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1995.

    Kidner, Derek. Genesis: An Introduction and Commentary. Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2008.

    Longman III, Tremper. Genesis: The Story of God Bible Commentary. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2016.

    Osmer, Richard R. Practical Theology: An Introduction. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2008.

    Peterson, Eugene H. A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society. 20th anniversary ed. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2000.

    Volf, Miroslav. The End of Memory: Remembering Rightly in a Violent World. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2006.

    Waltke, Bruce K. Genesis: A Commentary. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001.

    Wright, Christopher J. H. How to Preach and Teach the Old Testament for All Its Worth. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2016.

  • My reflection essay on reading assignment “Serving the People of God’s Presence, A Theology of Ministry by Terry L. Cross, PhD in Theology, Princeton Theological Seminary”

    There was a moment when I was a Kids Ministry Director, an early Sunday morning, lights low, sanctuary still, when I paused at the back of the room before service. Everything was set. Curriculum printed. Slides loaded. Volunteers briefed. Kids already starting to trickle in with sleepy smiles and sneakers that lit up with every step. And yet, instead of rushing back into the checklist, I just stood there. Still. Silent. And somehow, that moment felt more sacred than the entire morning’s preparation.

    Because the presence of God was already in the room.

    That stillness reminded me: ministry isn’t about what we accomplish, it’s about who is present. And I don’t mean us. I mean Him.

    We live in a world that rewards outcomes, how many kids showed up, how many parents gave good feedback, how many followers we gained on the church’s Instagram this week. And if we’re honest, most of us in ministry leadership have felt the weight of that scoreboard. We measure, compare, and sometimes, even unintentionally, perform. Not because we’re chasing fame, but because somewhere along the line, we were taught that faithfulness looks like nonstop doing.

    But Scripture tells a different story. In Exodus 33, when Moses pleads, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here” (v.15), he’s not asking for a better plan. He’s asking for God Himself. Presence over production. Intimacy over outcomes. Obedience over optics.

    Ministry leadership isn’t about producing results, it’s about stewarding presence. Not our own presence, but God’s.

    That truth humbles me, and re-centers me. I’m not called to impress. I’m called to abide. I’m not expected to manufacture momentum, I’m invited to recognize and respond to what God is already doing.

    So in a world that equates leadership with control, charisma, and relentless output, what does it mean to lead like Moses, knees in the dirt, eyes fixed on the cloud?

    In this paper I want to explore that question. I’ll discuss listening over leading, waiting over working, presence over platform. Because maybe the kind of leadership the Church needs in this season isn’t louder, faster, or flashier.

    Maybe it’s quieter. Maybe it’s slower. Maybe it starts with stillness. Maybe it starts with that sacred moment at the back of the room, when you realize He’s already here.

    When Leadership Feels Like a Job Description, Not a Calling

    I didn’t always think about ministry in terms of presence. For a long time, I thought leadership was about being the most prepared person in the room. I thought it was about keeping people motivated, holding the team together, and making sure the ministry machine kept running smoothly. Vision, planning, execution, results. That’s what I was taught. That’s what I inherited. And that’s what I did.

    But if I’m being honest, something felt hollow.

    It wasn’t that I didn’t love the people I served. I did. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel called. It was that somewhere along the line, my calling had been reduced to responsibilities. And those responsibilities slowly became expectations. And the expectations became weight. And the weight became normal.

    In many ways, my story is a familiar one. Like many of you, I served in a local church context where excellence is valued and things need to get done. We don’t just get to think, we have to lead. And leading means pulling off Sunday, week after week. It means managing calendars, volunteers, communication, crises, conflict, and curriculum. It means staff meetings and walkie talkies and “Did we change the batteries in the mic again?”

    And before you know it, the job description begins to feel more real than the call. Ministry starts to feel like something you execute rather than something you inhabit. And if you’re not careful, the Spirit can get drowned out by spreadsheets. That realization hit me hardest not in the middle of a crisis, but in the middle of a win.

    We had just wrapped a huge event for Easter. It had gone better than expected. People were encouraged. Parents were thankful. Kids had fun. And I remember standing alone after it ended, looking around at the empty room, and thinking, Why do I still feel empty?

    That moment was a turning point for me. I realized I had become so consumed with doing ministry well that I had forgotten to be with God in it. My gifts were working. My systems were clicking. But my soul felt dry. And I knew something had to change.

    That shift didn’t happen overnight. It’s been a slow return to the center. A reorientation. Less noise. More listening. Less performance. More prayer. Less “What’s the plan?” and more “Lord, what are You doing here?”

    And that shift has changed how I see. I’ve started to notice leaders around me who were quietly carrying burdens no one acknowledged. I saw faithful team members who were excellent at their tasks but hadn’t been prayed for in months. I’ve noticed how easy it is to build teams that function well but don’t flourish spiritually. And I saw how often we reward production but overlook presence.

    I also had to reckon with my own contribution to this culture. Why was I constantly in a rush? Why did I feel guilty for saying no? Why was rest something I had to earn rather than receive? The truth is, I had internalized a version of ministry that looked more like a startup than a sanctuary.

    But when I began paying attention to the quieter rhythms—slower, deeper ones—I noticed something else. God was already at work, often in ways I couldn’t measure or manage. The breakthrough conversation in the hallway. The unexpected confession from a volunteer. The moment of stillness before the kids came pouring in. These were the moments that shaped hearts, not the ones planned perfectly. And in that realization, I found freedom.

    You see, when ministry becomes about stewarding God’s presence, not just managing outcomes, it allows us to breathe again. It reminds us that our job isn’t to manufacture growth or momentum. It’s to be faithful witnesses to the Spirit’s work in the people we serve.

    The world tells us leadership is about being in control. But the Kingdom teaches us that leadership is about trust. Trusting God to move. Trusting the Spirit to lead. Trusting that our presence, anchored in His presence, is enough.

    I’ve been married for 15 years now. I’ve got three kids who are growing up fast and a fourth on the way. I’m pursuing a master’s in theological studies while serving alongside my wife who serves as the Kids Director. I know what it means to feel stretched. I know what it means to feel the pressure of producing every week. But I also know what it means to be surprised by grace.

    And if I could encourage fellow leaders in anything, it’s this: the most transformative moments in ministry don’t usually come from what you accomplish. They come from where you abide.

    Presence over performance. Stillness over striving. Faithfulness over flash.

    That’s the journey I’m on. And I’m learning, day by day, to let go of the myth that I have to have it all together. Instead, I’m learning to show up, with open hands, open heart, and open ears, trusting that God is already there, already working, already enough.

    Theological and Biblical Foundations: Leading from God’s Presence

    One of the most freeing truths I’ve come to embrace is this: ministry doesn’t begin with my effort. It begins with God’s presence. Leadership, at its core, is not about direction first, it’s about dwelling. And if that sounds strange or soft in our results-driven culture, it’s only because we’ve lost touch with the way God has always led His people.

    From the beginning, God’s leadership was always about presence. Think back to the garden in Genesis. Before there were assignments or titles, there was communion. Adam and Eve didn’t earn God’s nearness, it was their starting point. They were created not just for function, but for fellowship. Before they had a job to do, they had a God to walk with (Gen. 3:8). And when that fellowship was broken, the rest of Scripture tells the story of a God who keeps pursuing presence with His people.

    Moses knew this well. In Exodus 33, after the golden calf incident, God told Moses He would still give Israel the Promised Land, but He wouldn’t go with them. And Moses said no deal. “If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here” (Exod. 33:15). That one line is a theology of leadership all by itself. Moses didn’t want success, victory, or legacy if it meant going alone. He would rather stay in the wilderness with God than reach the mountaintop without Him.

    That same heartbeat shows up in David’s leadership. In Psalm 27:4, David writes, “One thing I ask from the Lord… that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.” David wasn’t chasing power, he was chasing presence. His leadership wasn’t perfect, but it was grounded in a hunger for God.

    Fast forward to the New Testament, and we see the same model in Jesus. In John 5:19, He says, “The Son can do nothing by Himself; He can only do what He sees His Father doing.” If Jesus, God in the flesh, lived and led in constant dependence on the Father’s presence, how much more should we?

    This is the thread that ties the story of Scripture together. Presence precedes mission. Intimacy comes before impact. That’s not just a poetic idea, it’s a deeply theological reality. The church doesn’t exist to perform for God; it exists to participate in what He’s already doing.

    Theologically, this idea is anchored in the doctrine of the Trinity. God is not a solitary CEO handing out assignments. He is Father, Son, and Spirit, eternal communion, eternal love. And our leadership should reflect that relational nature. We aren’t called to lead from isolation or individual brilliance. We’re called to lead from shared life, mutual dependence, and humble presence.

    I’ve come across some incredible voices that have helped me understand this more clearly. Miroslav Volf, for example, writes that the church’s mission is rooted in the life of the triune God, and that we must always return to “God’s gracious presence” as our center.¹ In other words, we don’t bring God to our ministries. He’s already there, we just need to pay attention.

    James K.A. Smith also challenges the assumption that formation happens through information alone. He reminds us that we are shaped by what we love, not just what we know.² Our habits, our liturgies, both corporate and personal, are forming us every day. So if our ministries are built around performance, efficiency, and applause, we’re unintentionally training our leaders to love the wrong things. But if our ministries are built around presence, prayer, hospitality, and worship, then we’re training people to love the presence of God more than the platform.

    This is why silence matters. This is why sabbath matters. This is why prayer in the planning meeting isn’t just a formality, it’s formation. We’re not just managing people and programs; we’re stewarding souls.

    Leadership that flows from presence is slower, yes, but it’s also more sustainable. It doesn’t chase momentum; it follows the Spirit. It doesn’t start with strategy; it starts with surrender. And ironically, it often bears more fruit in the long run because it’s rooted in the life of God, not just the energy of people.

    There’s nothing wrong with being strategic. Plans, goals, metrics, they all have their place. But they can’t be our foundation. When they are, we become slaves to outcomes. But when God’s presence is our starting point, we lead from a place of peace, not pressure.

    So here’s the question that keeps shaping my own heart: Am I leading for God or with God?

    There’s a big difference. Leading for God sounds noble, but it can easily drift into self-reliance. Leading with God demands dependency, attentiveness, and humility. It requires me to stop asking, “How do I impress people?” and start asking, “Where is the Spirit already moving, and how can I join Him?”

    Because in the end, that’s what leadership really is. Not building something impressive. Not climbing the ladder. But pointing people to the One who is already near. It’s being the kind of leader who, like Moses, says, “I won’t take another step unless You go with me.”

    And when we live like that, when we lead like that, we find that ministry becomes more than work. It becomes worship.

    The Practice of Stewarding Presence

    If leadership in ministry is about stewarding God’s presence rather than producing results, then it has to be practiced. It has to be embodied. It can’t just stay in our theology books or our mission statements. We have to actually live it.

    So what does that look like?

    For me, it must start in the quiet moments, the ones no one else sees. Before the email rush. Before the meetings, the budgets, the planning, the everything. If I’m not anchored in God’s presence there, I start leading from pressure. I start performing. I start defaulting to the part of me that believes I need to prove myself again this week.

    But when I stop and make room, when I read slowly, when I pray not to get through a list but just to listen, something shifts. I’m not just working for God. I’m with Him.

    And that’s the posture I want to bring into the spaces I will lead.

    In Exodus 40, after the tabernacle is completed, God’s glory fills the space so thickly that Moses can’t even enter (Exod. 40:34–35). That moment wasn’t produced by perfect planning. It wasn’t driven by productivity. It was the result of a people who had obeyed in detail and made room for the Lord to dwell.

    That’s what I want in ministry spaces today: not just events or environments that run smoothly, but places where God’s presence is felt so clearly that people leave changed, not because of how good we are, but because of how near He is.

    That’s what it means to steward presence.

    It’s about preparing the soil more than controlling the outcome. It’s about paying attention to what the Spirit is already doing and joining Him there.

    Sometimes that looks like cutting something from the schedule, not because it’s wrong, but because it’s crowding out space for stillness. Sometimes it looks like refusing to rush through prayer before a big ministry moment. Sometimes it means having the courage to stop and let the room sit in silence, even when it feels awkward.

    We often underestimate how countercultural that kind of leadership is. In a world that equates busyness with importance, silence feels like wasted time. But the psalmist reminds us: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). The knowledge of God often comes in stillness, not speed.

    In his work on spiritual leadership, Henri Nouwen wrote that “the central question is not how we can make a difference, but how we can be the presence of Christ in the world.” That hits me hard every time I read it. Because if I’m honest, I default to wanting to make a difference. That’s the achiever in me. But being the presence of Christ? That calls for a different rhythm. A different way of measuring success.

    James K.A. Smith would say this calls for a liturgical reorientation.³ That our daily habits shape our longings, and if our ministry habits are all about pace, output, and efficiency, we’ll become people who love those things more than we love the presence of God. But when our practices, sabbath, confession, listening prayer, center us on communion with Christ, we become leaders who serve out of fullness, not fear.

    And that’s what people need.

    They don’t need more ministry machines. They need shepherds. People who are present. People who can sit with them in pain and not rush to fix it. People who point to Jesus not only with their words, but with their peace.

    Stewarding presence also means creating environments where others can encounter God, not just environments where they encounter us. And that’s a challenge in a church culture that often leans heavy on personalities and platforms. But the goal is never to wow people with our leadership, it’s to lead them toward His.

    That means we may need to train differently. Teach our teams differently. Lead our volunteers differently. What if we talked less about systems and more about sacredness? What if we spent time in prayer with our leaders before planning meetings? What if we built margin into every event, not just for logistical breathing room, but for spiritual attentiveness?

    This isn’t about being less strategic. It’s about making sure our strategy serves our spirituality, not the other way around.

    So the question becomes: what are we practicing?

    Because whatever we practice regularly, we eventually become.

    I want to practice presence. I want to lead from a posture that trusts God is at work, even when I can’t see the results. I want to slow down long enough to notice the burning bushes around me, the ordinary moments where the extraordinary God wants to meet with me and speak (Exod. 3:2–4).

    This kind of leadership may not trend on social media. It may not get the spotlight. But it’s deeply faithful. And over time, it creates ministry cultures where God is not just talked about, He’s truly known.

    And that’s the kind of space I want to give my life to creating.

    Conclusion: The Invitation to Lead Differently

    If you’re anything like me, you didn’t get into ministry to manage spreadsheets or chase growth metrics. You stepped into this because somewhere along the way, God met you, and you wanted to spend your life helping others meet Him too. But somewhere in the process, the noise got louder. The systems got heavier. And the quiet presence that once called you into ministry started to feel out of reach.

    But here’s the good news: it’s not out of reach. It never was.

    The Spirit of God still meets us in quiet places. Still leads us with a whisper. Still honors the slow, faithful work of presence over the shiny, fast work of production. And He’s still calling us, not just to lead, but to be led.

    This is your invitation: Lead differently.

    Lead with your ears tuned to the Spirit more than to trends. Lead from a heart at rest, not a soul constantly striving. Lead from the sacred ground of God’s presence, not from the pressure to perform.

    You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to outrun burnout. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just need to show up, present, attentive, surrendered, and let the presence of God do what only He can.

    Because at the end of the day, ministry isn’t something we build for God. It’s something we live with Him.

    Let that be enough.

    Grace and grit,
    Felix

  • Introduction

    I do not know that I have ever served in a pastoral role without feeling overburdened, overworked, and dangerously close to running on empty. From the outside, I looked productive—faithful, even. However, underneath it all, I was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of being seen as weak. Afraid that if I did not deliver, I could be replaced. So I kept going. I kept performing. Not because I did not love God or people—but because somewhere along the way, I learned that ministry success looked like constantly proving your worth. Moreover, the truth is that I am not alone.

    You do not have to dig far to hear similar stories. Just ask around on any church staff. It is everywhere. The worship leader is running five services with no rest. The student pastor is quietly drowning in midweek programming, event planning, and crisis management. The children’s director leads like a full-time department head for part-time pay. Turnover in these roles is not just about budget cuts or new vision statements—it is often the symptom of a deeper issue: a culture of performance that refuses to let pastors be human.

    This paper examines the spiritual and theological costs of performance-driven ministry and the ways it subtly erodes identity, joy, and sustainability. Burnout in pastors is not just a psychological issue—it is a theological one. At its Root is a confusion of identity: a subtle but powerful lie that what we do for God is more important than who we are in Him. The good news is that the Apostle Paul offers a counter-story—a theology of weakness that reframes leadership, not around strength or results, but around grace, surrender, and participation in the life of Christ. This paper argues that Paul’s theology of weakness offers a vital theological and pastoral response to the burnout crisis in church leadership by reorienting identity away from performance and toward grace, dependence, and spiritual rest.

    Identifying the Dilemma: Burnout in Ministry

    In recent years, a growing number of Pastors have confessed to feeling overextended, emotionally depleted, and spiritually dry. The symptoms are widespread and sobering. According to the Barna Group’s 2024 research, 33% of Protestant senior pastors considered quitting full-time ministry within the past year, 60% had significantly doubted their calling, and 25% had experienced a crisis of faith. Most strikingly, 18% of pastors reported having contemplated self-harm or suicide. These are not just alarming statistics—they represent a systemic identity crisis in church leadership.

    At the heart of this crisis is an insidious cultural pressure: the expectation to perform. While some of this pressure is external—measured in weekly attendance numbers, budget benchmarks, and social media engagement—it is often internalized by pastors themselves. In his book Serving the People of God’s Presence, Terry L. Cross argues that many pastors have adopted secular leadership models rooted in metrics, strategy, and charisma rather than in spiritual formation. “Ministry,” he writes, “has too often been shaped by the business world, where success is defined by upward growth, efficiency, and control.” This framing shifts the pastoral role from stewarding God’s presence to managing a brand, subtly transforming ministry into a platform for production rather than a space for spiritual formation.

    Cross’s concern is echoed by Mark J. Cartledge, who frames burnout as not only a psychological issue but also a theological one. In his article “Empirical Theology: Interdisciplinary Considerations,” Cartledge argues that empirical research within theology must not reduce lived experience to data but instead integrate it with theological reflection. In other words, understanding burnout requires more than counting how many pastors are tired—it demands asking why their identities have become so fragile in the first place. When ministry becomes a task to perform rather than a vocation to embody, the cost is not only exhaustion—it is spiritual disorientation. Pastors begin to believe their worth is measured by how much they produce rather than how faithfully they abide in Christ.

    This culture of performance shapes ministry environments where vulnerability is perceived as a liability and weakness is viewed as a failure. Many pastors, fearing judgment or replacement, mask their exhaustion beneath constant productivity. In doing so, they internalize a theology of self-reliance—a functional belief that God helps those who help themselves, even when their souls are crumbling. Left unexamined, this theological distortion becomes the silent driver of burnout, isolating leaders from the very grace they preach to others.

    The deeper cost of performance-based ministry is theological. Michael Gorman names this dynamic clearly in his articulation of a “cruciform identity”—a way of being shaped by the pattern of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. In his book Apostle of the Crucified Lord, Gorman describes Christian leadership not as the pursuit of power or competence but as the embodiment of Christ’s humility and self-giving love. “Paul’s apostleship,” Gorman notes, “was marked by suffering and weakness, not success in any conventional sense.” For Paul, weakness was not a barrier to God’s power but the very context in which divine strength was revealed.

    Gordon D. Fee echoes this vision in his commentary on the book of Philippians. Reflecting on Philippians 2:5–8, Fee emphasizes the significance of Christ’s kenosis—His self-emptying—as the paradigm for Christian leadership. Far from defending His rights, Jesus humbled Himself, taking on the form of a servant and becoming obedient to death. This voluntary descent—what Fee calls “the downward mobility of the cross”—stands in direct contrast to the upward mobility glorified in modern ministry models. For Paul and Jesus, power is expressed not in domination or production but in self-sacrificial love and presence.

    This theological vision confronts the logic of performance at its roots. In 2 Corinthians 12:9–10, Paul recounts how Christ responded to his plea for relief by saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul’s response is not resentment but radical embrace: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” In this moment, Paul reframes weakness not as something to hide but as a sacred space where grace is most fully revealed.

    The transition from performance to weakness requires more than a shift in schedule—it demands a reorientation of identity. Ministry must be understood not as something we achieve but as something we receive and participate in. The Apostle Paul offers not only a critique of performance culture but a compelling counter-narrative: a theology of weakness that invites pastors to recover joy, rest, and presence by embracing the sufficiency of grace. In the next section, this counter-narrative will be explored as the theological foundation for reimagining leadership in the context of burnout.

    Paul’s Theology of Weakness

    The apostle Paul’s theology of weakness does not function as an occasional pastoral aside—it is central to his understanding of Christian identity and ministry. Two texts stand at the heart of this paradigm: 2 Corinthians 12:9–10 and Philippians 2:5–8. Together, they reveal a cruciform vision of leadership rooted not in dominance or performance but in surrender, humility, and dependence on divine grace.

    In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul recounts how the Lord responded to his plea for relief from a “thorn in the flesh”: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (v. 9). Rather than remove the source of suffering, God reframes it. Paul learns to boast in his weakness so that Christ’s power might rest upon him. The statement “when I am weak, then I am strong” (v. 10) is not a contradiction—it is the Christian life distilled.

    Frank J. Matera, in II Corinthians: A Commentary, argues that Paul’s theology of weakness is not incidental—it is essential. According to Matera, Paul defines apostolic authority through suffering and dependence, not success or status. Matera writes, “Paul redefines weakness as the arena in which divine power operates” and places the Cross at the center of apostolic identity and vocation.

    Similarly, Philippians 2:5–8 presents what many scholars refer to as the “Christ Hymn,” a theological and ethical cornerstone in Pauline theology. “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus… who emptied himself… becoming obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross.” Here, Paul portrays the Son’s kenosis—his self-emptying—as the ultimate model for Christian living. Gordon Fee observes that Christ’s emptying is not a temporary strategy but “a revelation of the very character of God.” The weakness of Christ is not weakness despite divinity—it is divinity disclosed through weakness.

    Fee’s reading of Philippians emphasizes the countercultural nature of Paul’s leadership model. Paul’s imprisonment, loss of status, and rejection of worldly accolades are not unfortunate consequences—they are embodiments of his calling. Fee explains, “Weakness and vulnerability, as displayed in the incarnation and crucifixion, are not temporary but eternal realities of divine love.”

    Andrew Root reinforces this theme in his peer-reviewed essay, “The Suffering of God and the Cross of Ministry,” where he argues that ministry is not primarily a matter of effective technique but rather a matter of faithful presence. Root insists that pastoral work is cruciform, shaped by the suffering of Christ and the limits of human strength. He writes, “God is most profoundly revealed not in our strength or success but in moments of weakness, suffering, and despair.” In his view, leaders are called not to conquer but to participate in Christ’s suffering love, confessing their humanity and practicing presence rather than performance.

    Paul’s theology of weakness is not only a biblical and theological reality—it forms the foundation of his leadership model. For Paul, leadership is not defined by charisma, productivity, or competence but by one’s willingness to follow the crucified Christ. Weakness is not disqualification from leadership—it is the very qualification.

    Terry L. Cross reinforces this idea in Serving the People of God’s Presence. He critiques modern ministry models that prioritize performance, platform, and production over the sacred stewardship of God’s presence. In contrast to the CEO or celebrity pastor paradigm, Cross calls leaders to be “servants of the sacred,” deeply attuned to the Spirit’s work rather than their strategic brilliance. He writes, “To serve the people of God’s presence is to relinquish control and submit to the Spirit’s leading, often in our frailty and limitations.”

    Andrew Root echoes this in Faith Formation in a Secular Age, where he presents a vision of ministry not as the transmission of content or moral performance but as an encounter with divine action. Ministry, he suggests, must return to its cruciform roots—where weakness, loss, and lament are not threats to faith but the very places where God is most present. Root warns against models of ministry that mimic business or entertainment, urging instead a theology that “attends to what God is doing, often in hidden, cross-shaped ways.”

    When read together, Paul’s epistles, Matera’s theological exegesis, Fee’s commentary on kenosis, Cross’s ecclesial critique, and Root’s pastoral theology all converge on a singular truth: weakness is not a theological footnote—it is the center of Christian leadership. In a ministry world obsessed with metrics, platforms, and results, Paul’s testimony rings out like a rebellion: “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses” (2 Cor. 12:9). Why? Because that is where grace lives. That is where Christ dwells.

    This reframing of weakness not as a liability but as a holy invitation demands a reevaluation of what we celebrate in our leaders. The most faithful shepherds may not be the ones who draw crowds or execute flawless programs. They may be the ones who persevere in quiet surrender, who weep with the brokenhearted, who carry burdens not because they are strong—but because they have learned that Christ’s strength is enough.

    As this paper will continue to argue, Paul’s theology of weakness offers a counter-story to the burnout-producing models of leadership in many churches today. His life and letters are an open invitation to trade the exhausting cycle of overperformance for the surprising grace of surrender. To lead not from the illusion of strength but from the reality of grace.

    Practical Theology Framework for Resolution

    Practical theology, at its best, does not simply observe or theorize—it intervenes. To offer a sustainable theological resolution to pastoral burnout and identity confusion, this section adopts the fourfold model of Richard Osmer and the embodied theological framework of Ray S. Anderson. Together, they form an integrative path forward—moving from crisis recognition to Spirit-empowered healing action.

    Richard Osmer’s four tasks of practical theology are foundational: descriptive, interpretive, normative, and pragmatic. These four movements correspond to real-time ministry engagement. First, the descriptive-empirical task asks, “What is going on?” It encourages theological leaders to listen deeply and collect real-world data—such as interviews, surveys, or anecdotal narratives—to understand the lived experiences of those in ministry who are burning out. Osmer calls this a “priestly listening role” where pastors embody empathy before offering solutions.

    Second, the interpretive task raises the question, “Why is this happening?” Osmer positions the leader as a wise teacher who draws insights from disciplines such as psychology, family systems theory, or organizational sociology to explain the root causes. For instance, if ministry culture reinforces over-functioning, then theological reflection must expose how identity has become warped by unrealistic expectations or hidden hierarchies.

    Third is the normative task: “What should be happening?” This is where biblical and theological truth critiques the current state. Rather than simply applying management advice, this step elevates Scripture, tradition, and Christian ethics. In our case, texts such as 2 Corinthians 12:9–10 or Philippians 2:5–8 would call the Church to reimagine leadership in terms of weakness, humility, and mutual care.

    Finally, the pragmatic task asks, “How do we respond?” Theologians become servant-leaders who develop practical steps such as redistributing leadership responsibilities, implementing sabbath rhythms, or incorporating healing liturgies. This movement grounds theology in real life, inviting ongoing feedback and Spirit-led discernment.

    Ray S. Anderson offers a theological foundation that parallels Osmer’s method but adds a richer doctrinal core. Anderson insists that “ministry precedes and produces theology”—not because it replaces Scripture, but because God’s self-revelation is encountered most dynamically in the ministry itself. He warns that burnout is not merely psychological; it is symptomatic of theological anemia. When pastors operate outside a robust understanding of the Spirit’s empowerment and the body of Christ, they bear burdens God never intended for them to carry. Anderson reframes ministry as latreia—a Trinitarian act of participation in Christ’s self-emptying service. This vision lifts the pressure to perform and instead emphasizes presence, vulnerability, and Spirit-empowered leadership rooted in Jesus’ kenotic example.

    Osmer’s and Anderson’s frameworks converge in essential ways. Both resist the temptation to “fix” burnout with quick tools or therapy tips. Instead, they move toward deeper discipleship, where burnout is addressed through theological reflection, contextual analysis, and communal transformation. Anderson especially cautions against disembodied theology, affirming that Christ meets us in the very places we feel depleted, revealing that ministry itself is cruciform. Thus, practical theology is not merely about strategy—it is about spiritual realignment.

    John Swinton adds a crucial final layer to this framework: qualitative theological reflection. In his peer-reviewed article “Practical Theology and Qualitative Research Revisited,” Swinton defends the use of interviews, ethnographies, and other empirical tools not as distractions from theology but as ways to deepen it. He famously states that “practical theology is critical, theological reflection on the practices of the Church as they interact with the practices of the world, to ensure faithful participation in God’s redemptive work.”

    Swinton warns that without authentic human voices, theology risks becoming abstract and pastoral care ineffective. Qualitative research enables us to name the pain, trace how identity is warped by performance models, and let stories speak into Scripture—not in place of Scripture, but in conversation with it. Importantly, Swinton acknowledges the tension between theology’s claim to revealed truth and the social sciences’ constructivist tendencies. However, he argues that this can be navigated by using empirical methods in service of theology rather than replacing theology with secular analysis.

    For example, if several ministers in a region report feeling they “are not allowed to rest,” that shared narrative demands a theological response. It could prompt churches to reconsider the Sabbath as an ecclesial norm or to review their leadership pipelines to eliminate toxic expectations. Swinton encourages an iterative cycle: listen, interpret, respond, and return to listening. This aligns perfectly with Osmer’s spiral model and reinforces Anderson’s claim that theological reflection must emerge from embodied ministry.

    Together, these thinkers offer a redemptive path forward —one rooted in attentiveness, theological depth, and communal reform. Addressing burnout cannot be outsourced to therapists or taken on through sabbaticals alone. It must be a shared ecclesial journey grounded in a robust theology of weakness, presence, and Spirit-led change. Practical theology, when done faithfully, reorients not just our practices but our imagination—away from burnout-producing heroism and toward grace-shaped, cruciform ministry.

    Ministry Implications and Reorientation

    The pastoral implications of Paul’s theology of weakness are both urgent and transformative. To embody Christ-shaped leadership today requires not only theological assent but a radical reorientation centered on weakness, presence, and vulnerability. Three shifts are necessary: reframing success, implementing rhythms of grace, and recovering a true pastoral identity.

    Much of contemporary ministry is shaped by metrics, including attendance, reach, budgets, and platform. However, these indicators often reflect cultural norms more than kingdom values. Paul’s ministry turned success on its head, pointing not to applause but to suffering as the path of authentic leadership.

    Ray S. Anderson refers to this as a theology of incarnation. In The Shape of Practical Theology, Anderson argues that ministry is not primarily functional but theological: it is participation in Christ’s ongoing work. “Ministry,” he writes, “is the continuation of the humanity of Christ through the Spirit in the church.” The accurate measure of leadership, then, is not performance but presence. As Christ emptied himself (Phil. 2:5–8), so too must Christian leaders forsake ambition for embodiment.

    James K. A. Smith’s “Desiring the Kingdom” complements this insight by exploring how formation occurs not through information transfer but through liturgical practices that shape our desires. He contends that humans are “liturgical animals”—we are formed by what we habitually love and do. If our ministries revolve around production, speed, and public acclaim, we are training leaders to love the platform. However, if our ministries center on worship, the Sabbath, and relational presence, we are forming leaders who find their identity in God, not in outcomes.

    Smith emphasizes that spiritual disciplines—like silence, confession, and Sabbath—are not spiritual luxuries. They are counter-formative practices that recalibrate our hearts away from consumerism and back to the crucified Christ. When success is defined by love, attentiveness, and faithfulness, weakness becomes not a threat but a path to grace.

    In response to toxic expectations and burnout, churches must create cultures that normalize vulnerability and embed rhythms of grace. These rhythms—rest, prayer, confession, community—must be seen not as extracurricular but essential.

    Theologian Miroslav Volf once noted, “To claim the comfort of the Crucified while rejecting his way is not only cheap grace but a deceitful ideology.” The rhythms of the Christian life must match the Cross we proclaim. Sabbath is one such rhythm. Weekly rest is not only about recovery—it is a declaration of trust: “God sustains the church, not me.” This is essential for forming leaders who live from a sense of belovedness, not busyness.

    James K. A. Smith notes that habits such as Sabbath observance, confession, or liturgical prayer shape the heart’s affections. For example, confessing sin weekly in corporate worship teaches leaders to prefer humility over self-justification. These embodied practices break the grip of performance idolatry and foster a posture of grace.

    Moreover, spaces for lament and honest vulnerability must become normative in the culture of ministry. Leaders should not be expected to carry emotional loads alone. When a church prioritizes communal spiritual practices and peer care, it becomes a space for ongoing renewal rather than exhaustion.

    Terry L. Cross challenges the model of the pastor as a performer or CEO. In Serving the People of God’s Presence, he portrays pastors as stewards of the sacred, not producers of religious goods. “To serve the people of God’s presence,” he writes, “is to relinquish control and submit to the Spirit’s leading, often in our frailty and limitations.”

    This aligns deeply with my personal story. As I mentioned in the introduction, I grew up in a household marked by unspoken emotional burdens and pressure to excel. My role as a caretaker, even as a child, formed an identity rooted in being useful. That pattern followed me into ministry: I often equated worth with productivity. However, over the past few years, God has invited me to unlearn this—to discover that I am loved not because I lead well but because I belong to Him.

    Cross’s image of the pastor as one who cultivates space for God’s presence—rather than generating outcomes—is healing. It offers a vision of ministry that is deeply theological and deeply humane. It affirms that ministry leaders are not above the congregation but within it—fellow pilgrims, weak and beloved, pointing others to grace.

    This reframed pastoral identity creates space for other voices as well. When pastors lead from a place of weakness and dependency, they model leadership that others can follow—not because it is impressive, but because it is genuine. The result is a church that embraces both strength and sorrow, both celebration and lament, both power and powerlessness.

    Conclusion

    Burnout in pastoral ministry is not ultimately a logistical or psychological problem—it is a theological one. At its root lies a distortion of identity: the belief that our worth comes from our performance rather than our participation in the life of Christ. This paper argues that the solution to burnout is not better strategies but a somewhat deeper surrender. The answer is not found in refining ministry techniques but in embracing a cruciform identity shaped by grace.

    The apostle Paul offers a profoundly countercultural vision of leadership—one rooted in weakness, not power. In 2 Corinthians 12:9–10, Paul reframes his limitations not as liabilities but as sacred spaces where Christ’s strength is revealed. In Philippians 2:5–8, Christ’s self-emptying love becomes the model for all Christian leadership: humble, obedient, and free from self-promotion. Through these texts, Paul exposes the illusion that strength is found in control and reminds the Church that the Spirit moves most powerfully through surrender.

    Practical theologians such as Richard Osmer and Ray Anderson provide a framework for applying this vision in real ministry contexts. Osmer’s fourfold model—descriptive, interpretive, normative, pragmatic—guides us toward theological reflection that leads to faithful action. Anderson reinforces the incarnational nature of ministry, insisting that leaders participate in Christ’s ongoing work rather than performing for human approval.

    The final challenge is this: to reimagine leadership rooted in grace, not grind. If the Church is to thrive, it must move beyond platforms, pressure, and productivity—and toward presence, rest, and communion with God. Burnout will never be healed by willpower alone. It requires a theological reorientation, a return to the One who said, “My grace is sufficient for you.” The way forward is not through striving but surrender. This is not weakness—it is the power of God made perfect.

  • I never thought I’d be that person—publishing my grad school papers on the internet. But here we are.

    To be honest, I started seminary to go deeper, not to go public. I wasn’t looking to build a platform. I was just trying to reconcile some of the tensions I’ve carried in ministry, the pressure to perform, the burnout that sneaks up when no one’s looking, the quiet questions that surface after another long Sunday. And along the way, I started writing papers. Not just for grades, but for clarity. For healing. For hope.

    Somewhere between the Greek flashcards and theological frameworks, I realized these papers weren’t just academic exercises. They were reflections of the journey I was on as a pastor, a husband, a dad, and someone who still believes the Church matters.

    So here’s what you can expect from The Pastor’s Pen: unpolished thoughts with pastoral weight. Research papers that wrestle with real questions. Reflections from seminary life that I hope will serve leaders, teachers, or anyone trying to hold onto grace in the grind.

    If you’re looking for quick quotes or viral soundbites, you might be in the wrong place. But if you’ve ever wondered how theology meets real life—or how Paul’s letters can speak into your exhaustion—this might feel like home.

    Thanks for being here. Let’s chase truth together—not to impress anyone, but to be transformed.

    Grace and grit,
    Felix